There is no way to be a perfect mom...but a million ways to be a good one!
My name is Shawna Lyn Laufer. I married my perfect match on February 11th, 2007. His name is Nils. He is my soul mate. Until I met him, I never understood what a soul mate truly was. A “soul mate” is a term to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality and compatibility. He is this and so much more to me and has taught me so much about life and love. He’s the ying to my yang. No one understands me like he does. We have a very open and honest relationship.
Our love has brought us to huge milestones in my life,one of which was the birth of our first daughter, Shaylee. She was born on Father’s Day, June 18th, 2006. She was my first love at first sight. I don’t believe it’s possible to love anyone “at first sight”. How can someone truly fall in love with someone without knowing anything about them? I didn’t believe until I saw her little face, chubby and rosy, when she was born. Now I am a believer in love at first sight, but I still believe it only truly applies to your children. And now here she is, blossoming into a outgoing, opinionated little girl, very mature for her age. Even when her stubbornness drives me crazy, I love her for it since its just her personality. She is sure to grow into a determined young lady.
Immediately following Shaylee's birth, I had some major issues with excessive bleeding. It turned out that I had a retained placenta. I had to go back into surgery for a D&C. After that I was under a doctor's care for extreme anemia. It was a scary moment in our lives but I quickly recovered and we decided that we would not have any more children.
Four years later, my biological clock started ticking again. We longed for a son. I went off the pill and immediately got pregnant. This baby was conceived with great planning (fertility tracking). From the instant I was pregnant, I could sense I was expecting, long before the home pregnancy test confirmed it. I just felt pregnant. I was a bit disappointed when we found out we were having another girl, but now that she is here, I am so glad!!!
On November 13th, 2010, we welcomed our 2nd child, Kaylyn. She is my smiley face, always so happy and good natured. To see her upset is unusual since she always seems to have a smile on her face.
Delivery with Kaylyn was very difficult. I had yet another issue with the retained placenta, however this birth was even more serious than Shaylee's. At one point following delivery, I remember FREEZING, just sitting there, teeth chattering, BEGGING for a blanket but the doctors would not give me one because I had developed a very high fever. It was the first time in my life that I honestly thought I was going to die- I was so incredibly weak, I felt like I couldn't focus or see straight let alone hold my own baby..I kept saying I was scared, but I was too afraid to admit that I felt like I was dying. Its hard to explain. The doctors suggested I get a blood transfusion- I declined. The risks that run were far greater than just undergoing a iron supplement regimen and hoping for the best.
I again had extreme anemia and had some damage to my pelvic muscles which resulted in having to have physical therapy. Even to this day, I still have discomfort in my tailbone after sitting for long periods of time. With all the issues I have experienced in child birth, Nils and I have decided that we should not have any more children. One time felt like a fluke, to have the same problems, only worse, happen a second time, it was too risky to endure child birth again. Should life throw us any curve balls, I would definitely have to have a C-section....and even then, I am not sure what might happen. My girls need a mother and I feel it would be selfish of me to risk my life to try to have another baby.
With your children, you don’t need to get to know them, to find qualities in them that you like, you automatically love them from the day they are born. I'd give my life for my beautiful little girls, and at one point or another almost felt as if I did. They are my pride and joy!